Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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