and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
