so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
