I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
