The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
