He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
