I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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