I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
