I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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