best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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