I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize