I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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