So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
