Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
