C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
