Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
