We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
