Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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