I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Randomize
