P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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