you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
