He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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