sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There r osticjed everywhere
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
