So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
