he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
