Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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