May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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