he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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