im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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