he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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