what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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