She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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