She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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