Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
