awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is Oprah even human
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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