"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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