I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
