My sheets look like a crime scene.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
