When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
