Don't make out with my wife yet
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
