Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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