i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
