We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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