i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
