I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
