its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
