If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is wine microwaveable?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
