bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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