My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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