I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
