Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
