We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
