Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Help. Why am I so naked?
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