You made me cry and you don't even care
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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