i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
