The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she looked like the before picture.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
