he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize