Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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