just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize