your thong is hanging out like whoa
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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