This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
