You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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