i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
