LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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