I'm eating all of the evidence.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
