the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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