I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
