What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
