I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
