SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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