Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
