I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
