finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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